If you’re one of the 20 million Americans diagnosed with depression, you know how fruitless it is to tell someone one the low end of a downward spiral to just “cheer up.”  Trust me.  I’ve been there.   I suffered for many years with severe depression at times and just your every day blues (otherwise known as Dysthymia) on “good” days. The truth is that I got to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and was blessed with a moment of clarity in which I realized that the missing ingredient of my internal search for happiness was “action.”

I had to take responsibility for my happiness.  One thing I did for a very long time was blame my parents’ lousy parenting techniques for my miserable state of mind.  Even if I had good reason for resentment, it really didn’t matter in the scheme of my happiness.  Blaming my parents for my less-than-wonderful childhood kept me locked in the past and wasn’t contributing anything positive to my quality of life in the present.  In my search free myself from the chains of the past,  I read countless self-help books about “letting go” and “overcoming anger” but nothing worked. You know why?  Because I didn’t put any of the things I learned into action.   Knowledge is only half the battle.  Having a blueprint to build a house is of no use unless a you pick up the hammer and nails and gets to work.

For example, one of the main character defects that poisoned my mind and spirit was my tendency to hold on to resentments.  I had heard that resentment is like a poison we take hoping that the other person will die.  I knew this intellectually, and could feel the effects that holding on to grudges had in my daily life through the angry attitude I often possessed and the knot I often felt in my stomach, but I felt it was out of my control and that I could do nothing to rid myself of it.  It seemed like that was just the way I was – just a part of my personality that had me reliving painful episodes in my life to the point where I would be having the same arguments in my head again and again – arguments which I constantly lost!

So, knowing somewhere in my soul that resentments were killing me I constantly searched how to get rid of them.  I would read books about letting go of resentments and, when the book was finished and the resentment wasn’t magically lifted, well… I would get another resentment – and would also feel beyond hope.

After years of living like this, I was blessed with a moment of clarity that told me that I needed to CHOOSE to let go of the resentment. It may not be easy, and I may have to CHOOSE to let it go again and again – sometimes numerous times a day. Whenever it rears it’s ugly head and I feel that knot in my stomach again, I must make the decision to choose to let it go.  How do I let it go?  How do you let go of anything that is hurting you?  Drop it like a hot coal in your hand.

The same goes with other spiritual principles. For instance, I was always a “glass half empty” type of person and wanted to be more grateful. This too is a choice. I used to think that three ghosts would visit me in the night and make me grateful but that never happened. I had to consciously make a decision to focus on the good things in my life, rather than the things I didn’t like.

Knowing my negative tendencies, another choice I make is in the “energy” I surround myself with in regard to music, movies and books.  I can’t afford to wallow in sad music or depressing movies too often – and especially when I’m having a day in which I am struggling more than others (and let me assure you that these days are fewer and shorter since I empowered myself with “choice”) I deliberately put on positive and uplifting music and make sure I shift my energy away from the downward spiral.  No matter what, I resist the tendency to wallow in the negativity.

Taking action for happiness can be summed up by that old Native American tale in which a grandfather tells his grandson about the battle that goes on inside everyone’s heart and soul.

“My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.
One wolf all that pains us – anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is wolf is our higher self. It is all that brings us happiness – gratitude, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The Grandfather simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Indeed.  Thanks for reading.