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I had a really bad day yesterday.
During my youngest cousin’s graduation party, I got into an argument with another cousin’s husband about politics. It got heated pretty fast but when he started to personally attack me, I felt my hands start to shake. The rest became a blur as I slammed my hand down, breaking a glass I was holding. I didn’t mean to break the glass, but it happened and added to the whole drama of the situation. I was ashamed, upset and disheartened so much that I was up all night feeling awful.
Coincidentally, I had taken the day off of work in advance to devote to getting this blog off the ground.
For lack of sleep, I ended up waking up quite late this morning and felt emotionally hung-over. The guilt was overwhelming. Who am I to write a blog about happiness? What a hypocrite!
It took me all day to remember that I am writing this blog, not because I am so “great” and have all the answers but because I need to consciously, actively focus on what works and stay on the right track. It is a fact that whatever we focus on expands. This being the case, I created this blog as a tool to help focus me on the solution rather than the problem. Making mistakes is part of the process. We all have heard the famous Thomas Edison quote about the struggles he encountered while creating the electric light bulb. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10, 000 ways that won’t work.” There is no failure unless I give up.
There is another weird thing that happens when we try to lift our life condition – negative forces seem to pop up everywhere. I am not equating my cousin’s husband as a negative force; I am referring to the negative forces inside.
The truth is, I didn’t have to react to what he was saying. I could have walked away. What scared me is that it happened so fast. It almost seemed like I was drawn in like the Millennium Falcon caught in the Death Star’s tractor beam.
Let me digress for a minute and lay it on the table- I have an anger problem. A friend once asked, “why are you so angry?” “That’s like asking a fish, ‘why do you swim?’” I replied.
