“Crazy” is like a vampire. When it knocks on your door you have to invite it in and it won’t leave until it sucks the life out of you.
That said, this week “crazy” came knocking and I let it in – metaphorically- and left me drained, shaking my head in amazement and so many other feelings I haven’t even begun to process. When Crazy knocked, I missed a big opportunity to “stretch” into becoming a better person because I let it drag me down a bit. I am inclined to say that once you hear this story, you won’t blame me so here’s it is. It’s a long one, but trust me… it’s very entertaining and I’m sure you will find holds some lessons for all of us.
First. a little backstory.
I met someone on the Internet about 3 years ago and went out on a date with her. I really wasn’t interested in her for various reasons the most annoying being that she had this exhausting way of making a lot of words come out of her mouth without actually saying anything. The more words came out of her mouth, the more I got a physical reaction that was akin to being literally drained. Being in her presence was literally tiring.
After we parted ways, a few friendly emails were exchanged, but I had no interest in going out with her again. Time went on and about 3 years passed and one day, out of the blue, I get an email from her asking me to go to the Aquarium with this lesbian Meetup group. I guess the years had fogged my memory so I agreed to go.
The day of the Aquarium trip, I met the Meetup group and was thankful for their presence when my “date” showed up and the tons nonsensical words starting coming out of her mouth. I was immediately reminded why I hadn’t wanted to see her again after our first meeting. All the words! Words! Words that were coming out of her mouth didn’t make any sense and I felt that feeling of exhaustion come over me.
So… the trip to the Aquarium was about 4 months ago and because my memory was jarred, that was that – until I received an email from her 2 days ago.
Here it is (verbatim):
Recently when President Obama and the first family were in Italy a photograph was snapped of Malia wearing a “Peace Sign” t-shirt. The conservative website “Free Republic” had a caption contest. The submissions posted were so vile and ugly it is clear they speak to a not-so-hidden racist hatred that many in this country feel towards our first African American president.
Viciously racist verbal attacks on an 11-year-old girl wearing a “peace” t-shirt are quite upsetting on many levels but why am I writing about this on a blog about happiness?
Well, for multiple reasons.
First, let’s examine racism. The late British social psychologist Henri Tajfel and John Turner, of the Australian National University, devised a theory to explain the psychology behind prejudices. They proposed that racism or biases were based in part on the need to think highly of the self. One way to boost a fragile ego is to be part of a distinctive group – like to be on a winning team. To be racist is to feel that the qualities of your own group are enhanced and the attributes of “the other” group is denigrated.
If this group then seems to transcend what the racist considers their natural “place,” hatred and anger is a common response. Ultimately, racist or hateful terms against a particular group are used as a proverbial whip in an attempt to beat that group back to their “place.”
Of course, there is a total lack of introspection in this reaction, as the racist may actually feel victimized when their worldview is challenged by reality. In other words, the truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.
Hatred and anger is a heavy burden for the one who carries it.
I am reminded about something Nelson Mandela recalled about his incarceration. He said, “Yes, I was angry. And I was a little afraid. After all I’ve not been free in so long. But,’ he said, ‘when I felt that anger well up inside of me I realized that if I hated them after I got outside that gate then they would still have me.’ And he smiled and said, ‘I wanted to be free so I let it go.” In other words, hate and anger are a poison we take hoping others will die. Simply, if you are carrying anger or hatred towards or a group of people or even a person, let it go.
How sad it was to read about the African American children who were kicked out of The Valley Swim Club in Philadelphia.
In case you haven’t heard the story, here’s the synopsis: 60 African-American campers from the Northeast Philadelphia Creative Steps Day Camp paid $1900 to The Valley Swim Club for weekly access to swim in their private pool. After the first day, the money was quickly refunded and the campers were told not to return.
According to witnesses, the white members of the club pulled their children out of the pool and stood poolside with their arms crossed when the minority children entered the water. Many kids heard club members make racist comments toward them while they were swimming. In an interview, an eyewitness named “Jan,” said the children from The Creative Steps Day Camp were very well behaved, and the camp supervisors were highly attentive.
Horace Gibson, parent of a day camp child, wrote in an email, “When the minority children got in the pool all of the Caucasian children immediately exited the pool.” “The pool attendants came and told the black children that they did not allow minorities in the club and needed the children to leave immediately.”
The swim club president John Duesler said, “There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion … and the atmosphere of the club.”
In spite of this poor choice of words, the club is denying allegations of racism saying that the money was refunded because of over-crowding at the pool but state regulators have opened up an investigation to find out exactly what happened so this won’t be the end of the story.
Some of the comments about this story on the NBC Philadelphia website were equally saddening. For instance, a poster “BML” states, “I don’t know who said, “All men are created equal,” but this clearly isn’t true, it’s just idealistic thinking. Everyday scientists and medical researchers uncover differences amongst the races and genders, but the “equal” mantra continues to cause discord in our society.”
