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I was just talking to a friend who is going through a divorce. She chose to leave her husband due to his inability to follow through on his commitment to his personal recovery from sex addiction and substance abuse. His pattern would be one of letting the addiction get the better of him which, in turn, would negatively affect everything in his life. He then would become so beaten he would crawl into a treatment center looking for help. He would come out of rehab with the best intentions and strictly follow a recovery action plan. Eventually, when he started feeling really good and reaping the benefits of recovery, the action plan would slack off. Insidiously, the old behaviors would creep in with the inevitable end would be relapse. The whole cycle would start all over again.
Commitment and re-commitment is the key. It’s the same reason most diets fail. We decide we want to lose weight so we start the diet with the greatest enthusiasm, but eventually the enthusiasm wanes. This is where we are at a crossroad – go on and make this diet a “lifestyle” or take the easy way – the familiar way – and settle.
When working on ourselves, we are never “done.” Yesterday’s recovery won’t count today if we don’t continue the actions that made today’s recovery possible. You know what I mean? Every day we are presented with a choice to re-commit to a positive way of life. Each day is a crossroad.
It’s not easy to always make the right choices. That’s why surrounding ourselves with positive allies is essential. When it gets too hard, we call on our allies to cheer us on. We don’t want friends that will join us in our “pity party.” We want friends who can lovingly remind us of our inherent value and our commitment to growth. Of course, this is a two way street. The same friend who talked you off the ledge today may be talking you off the ledge tomorrow. We can have bad days, just as long are we are always moving in the right direction.
Thankfully, we who are seeking happiness and a positive way of life have many resources from which to draw inspiration. We don’t have to “make it up” or come up with a whole new plan on our own. Many people have died miserable that way – too proud to take direction or ask for help. Here’s where we practice humility. We know that Albert Einstein did not come up with the Theory of Relativity in a vacuum – he drew on all the scientific discoveries and knowledge that came before him. Similarly, we can draw on all the knowledge of the spiritual seekers who came before us. You see, there are spiritual laws of the universe just like there are laws of physics. Water will always freeze at 32 degrees and happiness is a choice we make every day.
Here’s some tips from Anne Naylor writing for the Huffington Post:
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Nine years ago, I came home from work to find my answering machine filled up with messages. Some were from people I hadn’t heard from in a long time saying things like, “Tara. Call me. It’s about Katrina.”
Since Katrina and I are both in recovery from addiction, my first thought was, “please… someone just tell me that she relapsed.” In my gut I knew that the truth was far worse and it was soon confirmed. She had suffered an aneurism and was now laying brain dead in a Staten Island hospital.
Her name was Katrina Devita. She was 42 years old when she died suddenly. More than a friend, she was a mentor.
I met her when I was 25 years old, deeply caught in the hopelessness and pain of active addiction. She had about 5 years clean and I was unsuccessfully struggling to put 24 hours in a row without using drugs together. She had had her own struggles, having once been homeless on the streets of Chico CA, at the time that we met she was studying to be a nurse while raising two kids all by herself.
I didn’t like her at first. She was nosy, bossy and had a lot of strong opinions. Come to think of it, we had a lot in common.
My 25-year-old self was filled with sadness, anger and self-destruction. I didn’t want to be in pain, but I didn’t know how not to be in pain. My attitude at the time was, “Life sucks. Convince me that I want to live.” I was a lot of work.
Perhaps because she saw herself in me, Katrina stepped up and became my Guardian angel. Never in my life had someone understood me so deeply. I remember talking to her on the phone for the first time and wondering if she was psychic. I didn’t understand how she could know me so well. Now I know that she understood my pain. I was not so unique as I thought. She had been where I was and knew that path. She was further down the path and had been fortunate enough to take road of recovery when she came to the fork in the road. Now she was holding a lamp and trying to guide me in that direction.
I didn’t go too willingly but she never gave up. For two years I struggled but Katrina never abandoned me. She spoke to me endlessly on the phone, she sewed my ripped clothes, she fed me and let me crash on her couch when no one else would have me. I became her shadow and all the while she spoke to me about the way life could be if I stopped hurting myself.
What ensued was an EXTREMELY long growth process and the direction wasn’t always “up!”
As we got to know each other more, our conversations naturally got deeper and more personal. I allowed myself to trust her – something I had stopped doing out of necessity and survival.
It is often said that religion is for people who are afraid of Hell and spirituality is for those who have already been there. This was the case with Katrina. I remember telling her that I didn’t think I would ever get clean because I didn’t believe in God.
“Native Americans believe that when we throw a rock across a river, we change the course of the river.”
She replied.
If you are committed to living a successful life, then adapt the habits of successful people. There really is a recipe for success. Let’s break it down here and put it into action.
1) Successful People Take Care of Themselves
Show the world and yourself that you respect yourself and your body by treating it to regular exercise and healthy food. Countless studies have proven that eating right and exercise are instrumental to improving mood. Consequently, people in a good mood naturally attract success.
2) Successful People are Actively Grateful
When we are thankful for what we already have, we open ourselves to more things to be grateful for. Show true appreciation for the people in your life and the creature comforts you already possess and the world will appreciate you back. That’s a guarantee!
3) Successful People do not feel sorry for themselves or others.
DH Lawrence wrote: “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.”
When we feel sorry for ourselves, we are disempowered. We are what we think, so let go of thoughts that only serve to hurt us further and deny us the happiness we all desire. Don’t waste your time on self-pity! Love yourself and the world will love you back.
