If you’re one of the 20 million Americans diagnosed with depression, you know how fruitless it is to tell someone one the low end of a downward spiral to just “cheer up.” Trust me. I’ve been there. I suffered for many years with severe depression at times and just your every day blues (otherwise known as Dysthymia) on “good” days. The truth is that I got to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and was blessed with a moment of clarity in which I realized that the missing ingredient of my internal search for happiness was “action.”
I had to take responsibility for my happiness. One thing I did for a very long time was blame my parents’ lousy parenting techniques for my miserable state of mind. Even if I had good reason for resentment, it really didn’t matter in the scheme of my happiness. Blaming my parents for my less-than-wonderful childhood kept me locked in the past and wasn’t contributing anything positive to my quality of life in the present. In my search free myself from the chains of the past, I read countless self-help books about “letting go” and “overcoming anger” but nothing worked. You know why? Because I didn’t put any of the things I learned into action. Knowledge is only half the battle. Having a blueprint to build a house is of no use unless a you pick up the hammer and nails and gets to work.
Random Facts About Positive Thinking.
I don’t know anyone who spends more time and effort on maintaining a positive attitude than myself. I’m not patting myself on the back, but just stating a fact. And it’s not out of any virtue that I must exert so much effort on a how to be happy, it is purely out of necessity. In the past, I lived many days of my life in emotional, psychological and spiritual pain. I am fortunate enough to have survived those years where I was my own worst enemy. The only reason I am able to enjoy my life today is because I finally understood that my thoughts were killing me and took action to change them.
Sometimes, I wish I could be like other people and merely “just be happy.”
But I am not like other people. I am not a naturally happy person… I mean… I do believe that I was born happy but I grew up in a violent and dysfunctional household and therefore negativity became my knee-jerk reaction to life. I am not saying that to point fingers or to get sympathy although I did that for many years. For years, I used my dysfunctional childhood as a crutch that I beat everyone over the head with when they challenged my negativity or bad behavior. I also used it as an excuse to not do anything about my life. I felt powerless. On the ship of happiness I wasn’t a member of the crew, or even a passenger, but merely dead weight in the hold.
Understanding that negativity is a habit that diminished the quality of my life finally gave me the freedom to do something about it – but there is work to be done.
Just like a diabetic must monitor their diet and take insulin, I must monitor my thoughts and behavior. A diabetic might curse their fate, wishing that they didn’t have to be so vigilant. But as long as they continue to maintain their life saving routine, they will continue to feel the healthy benefits.
There is a saying whose origin is unknown that has often been attributed as a Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times.” Every day we read more bad news about people loosing their jobs, loosing their homes or both. With never-ending wars, corporate crimes and political greed and corruption, it seems like every day there is a new reason to give up hope.
We are the people who feel the sting of these troubling times and many people are finding it ever more difficult to keep their heads above water.
I know how fortunate I am to have a job and make a point to never lose gratitude. So, I cannot say that I know completely how it is to be looking for work in the midst of this economic crisis but I am well aware of how that could change at any moment. Plenty of my friends have been caught in the wave of layoffs in my industry.
I do have some experience looking for work when I was younger. During the Dot Com boom I looked for a job for two years. I remember well how the frustration, anxiety and depression I felt. This was before my “spiritual awakening,” so to speak, and I was still caught up in my “victimhood”. In spite of that, I was well aware of how my survival depended on not giving up, so I kept moving forward in spite of myself.
It’s funny how sometimes, when it is absolutely essential, we can pull ourselves out of our distorted mindset and take action.
If you are committed to living a successful life, then adapt the habits of successful people. There really is a recipe for success. Let’s break it down here and put it into action.
1) Successful People Take Care of Themselves
Show the world and yourself that you respect yourself and your body by treating it to regular exercise and healthy food. Countless studies have proven that eating right and exercise are instrumental to improving mood. Consequently, people in a good mood naturally attract success.
2) Successful People are Actively Grateful
When we are thankful for what we already have, we open ourselves to more things to be grateful for. Show true appreciation for the people in your life and the creature comforts you already possess and the world will appreciate you back. That’s a guarantee!
3) Successful People do not feel sorry for themselves or others.
DH Lawrence wrote: “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.”
When we feel sorry for ourselves, we are disempowered. We are what we think, so let go of thoughts that only serve to hurt us further and deny us the happiness we all desire. Don’t waste your time on self-pity! Love yourself and the world will love you back.
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In the early 1990s when was caught in the grips of addiction, I roamed the Lower East Side of Manhattan with the sole mission to stay loaded every minute of my life. At Houston Street and Avenue A was an apartment building called “Red Square.” On the roof was a statue of Lenin and a clock with misplaced numbers. Painted near the clock was the phrase “Waste Not A Moment.” The statue and the clock are still there, but the phrase that antagonized me while I wasted my moments is gone.
Those wasted moments of my early 20s can be traced back to the day I discovered how easy it was to break into my parent’s liquor cabinet and began mixing not-so tasty drinks for the other neighborhood children. Of course, being only in elementary school, I didn’t understand that “mixing” drinks, meant mixing with “mixers” – like soda. My concoctions featured gin mixed with the rum and the vodka, etc. I stood at the bar mixing away and telling jokes while my peers sat on the couch bristling and chattering in the excitement of being “bad.” It was fun. Whether the drinks tasted good was not the point. I reveled my new “Dean Martin” identity much more than the one I truly held of a very sad little girl secretly taunted by the feeling that her mother didn’t love her.
When my parents eventually discovered the raided liquor cabinet, my older sister took the fall for my offense. I suppose that as far as my parents were concerned, I was too young to even be on the list of suspects. I can still hear my sister pleading her innocence as I sat on the couch listening with my mouth shut.
It didn’t take long before what started like an occasional toe in the water transformed into a daily ritual. For me, the phrase “getting ready for school” meant smoking pot through a makeshift tin-foil and toilet-paper roll bong while dangling my torso out my bedroom window. My mother sat smoking cigarettes at the kitchen table, staring into the curio cabinet while “golden oldies” blasted on the AM radio. On her way out the door for work at the local post office where she was the head clerk, she would bang 3 times on the wall to tell me it was my turn to leave and go to school. I HATED the banging and had repeatedly asked her to call me by name rather than bang on the wall. The BANG-BANG-BANG made me feel even more powerless and the lack of love and connection more profound.
