This week was the 40th anniversary of Woodstock and I was reminded that there was a period in my life when all the heroes in my life were celebrities who had died of drug-overdoses. In my mind, I identified with Janis Joplin who splashed her pain so unapologetically all over the stage and drank alcohol with the essence of one pouring antiseptic on an open wound. Now that I look back with a sober mind, I chuckle and find that pretty telling. Upon reflection I have come to understand my veneration of such open and blatant self-destruction and my emulation of such tendencies as really a cry for help from a person (me) who felt utterly and hopelessly powerless to be comfortable in my own skin.I

In my unconscious mind, I hoped that somewhere, someone would swoop down and save me from myself.  My low self-esteem was a torment no matter how many times people tried to talk me off its ledge. There aren’t enough compliments or expressions of love in the world for someone who doesn’t love themselves.

Friends would say to me, “you look pretty” and I would actually disagree and try to talk them out of their opinion. If someone gave me a compliment, I would counter with numerous other reasons why they were wrong and how I actually didn’t deserve their accolades.

The truth is that somewhere in my heart, I wanted to believe them.  In a way, I was fishing for compliments, but like a black hole of need, anyone’s kind words got sucked into the void and would never register in my heart or head. I took a compliment as a call for debate.  If we went back and forth with “point/counterpoint” in regard to my good/bad points, perhaps, eventually I would be talked into seeing myself the way other people saw me and I would suddenly agree…”hey! You’re right! I do deserve love and happiness!”

I didn’t understand that like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz… I had the power to free myself all along.

My veneration of celebrities who died of drug overdoses and other random public displays of dysfunctions were a symptom of my self-obsessed, self-loathing. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Janis Joplin… but today I can appreciate her talent and see her emotional struggles and untimely death as the tragic loss they are, not a blueprint for a successful life.

We should pick our heroes wisely.

When I made the decision that I wasn’t going to live the rest of my life unhappy and depressed, I also decided that I was going to follow the example of people who are “winners” not “whiners.”

Take Lance Armstrong. We all know his story: An amazing athlete gets cancer; beats cancer and goes on to win the Tour de France.

Well, as I write that he has done it again. Today Lance Armstrong won the Leadville 100 mountain bike race, the nation’s highest-altitude endurance test, in record time. Not only did he win the race and set a new record, he finished the last few miles of the 2009 Leadville Trail 100 on a flat rear tire!

Lance Armstrong is a winner; literally and figuratively, and he knows that winning is as much about a mindset as it is about an athletic body. “Winning is about heart, not just legs. It’s got to be in the right place,” he said…“Anything is possible. You can be told that you have a 90-percent chance or a 50-percent chance or a 1-percent chance, but you have to believe, and you have to fight.” He said.

Lance Armstrong’s story could have been a much different one. It could have simply been the story of an athlete who got cancer… what a tragedy… the end. Instead, Lance Armstrong has become a movement embedded in the international lexicon with his “Livestrong” campaign.

He could have said “poor me” and given up, but instead he used his pain as a catalyst to add value to the world.

Lance Armstrong also said, “Without the illness I would never have been forced to re-evaluate my life and my career. I know if I had not had cancer, I would not have won the Tour de France.”

Pain is inevitable in everyone’s life but suffering is optional.

Whether we succeed or fail will be determined not by what happens to us, but by our response to what happens to us.

We can either pour ourselves into our pain to justify our powerlessness or use it as a catalyst for change – and even greatness. This is completely up to us.

Today I will pick my heroes wisely and create a life of value.

Thanks for reading.