When I turned 30 about 10 years ago, a friend who was already 40 said to me, “30 is a great age! Life begins at 30!”
I was very encouraged to hear this because, frankly, I had been waiting for my life to begin. My birthday came and went and I waited… then it was the Spring… and then it was the Summer and then it was my birthday again and I was still waiting… well… you get the point.
Waiting for life to begin is like waiting for “Waiting for Godot,” the Samuel Beckett, “tragicomedy” in which two characters wait for someone named Godot, who never arrives. In the play, during their two days of waiting, the pair of men divert themselves with various distractions such as eating, sleeping, arguing, singing, playing games, exercising, exchanging hats and contemplating suicide — anything “to hold the terrible silence at bay,” they say.
Voted the most significant English language play of the 20th century in a British Royal National Theater poll of 800 playwrights, actors, directors and journalists, “Waiting For Godot” won such prestigious accolades because it spoke to a spiritual conundrum that many people face and pointed out the human tendency to occupy ourselves with distractions in order to avoid the real work that needs to be done when we take full responsibility for our lives. Read more... (665 words, 10 images, estimated 2:40 mins reading time)
In order to free myself from the ghost of yesterday’s angry incident, I have to clean up my side of the street. Today I decided that I will write a letter to my cousin’s husband. My goal is to stomp on this bug while it’s small so it doesn’t get the opportunity to grow and turn into a much uglier monster.
An incident like this can poison the air at family gatherings for years to come. I don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable the next time we get together and I want to be free from negativity so I have to take responsibility for my part. Granted, in my opinion, my cousin’s husband played a part in what happened, but that is not the point. If I am to be truly free, the only one I can really control is myself. By letting go of this anger and clearing the air, I free my spirit and make room for other more positive things. If my cousin’s husband decides to hold on to it, then that’s a burden he will carry, not me. Resentments are the poison we take hoping someone else will die. It is said that the forgiving state of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good.
My family has enough challenges and we can’t afford another rip in the fabric. Besides… I really don’t want conflict – it’s just not worth the sleepless nights!
In case you were wondering the gist of the letter goes like this…
“We may not agree on politics, but I am sure we can find many more areas where we both see eye to eye. For instance, I am sure that we can both agree that we have shared far more numerous good memories than bad while together as a family….With that in mind, I hope that you can accept my sincere apology and desire to put this behind us with no hard feelings…”
The letter goes out tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted on what happens.
I had a really bad day yesterday.
During my youngest cousin’s graduation party, I got into an argument with another cousin’s husband about politics. It got heated pretty fast but when he started to personally attack me, I felt my hands start to shake. The rest became a blur as I slammed my hand down, breaking a glass I was holding. I didn’t mean to break the glass, but it happened and added to the whole drama of the situation. I was ashamed, upset and disheartened so much that I was up all night feeling awful.
Coincidentally, I had taken the day off of work in advance to devote to getting this blog off the ground.
For lack of sleep, I ended up waking up quite late this morning and felt emotionally hung-over. The guilt was overwhelming. Who am I to write a blog about happiness? What a hypocrite!
It took me all day to remember that I am writing this blog, not because I am so “great” and have all the answers but because I need to consciously, actively focus on what works and stay on the right track. It is a fact that whatever we focus on expands. This being the case, I created this blog as a tool to help focus me on the solution rather than the problem. Making mistakes is part of the process. We all have heard the famous Thomas Edison quote about the struggles he encountered while creating the electric light bulb. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10, 000 ways that won’t work.” There is no failure unless I give up.
There is another weird thing that happens when we try to lift our life condition – negative forces seem to pop up everywhere. I am not equating my cousin’s husband as a negative force; I am referring to the negative forces inside.
The truth is, I didn’t have to react to what he was saying. I could have walked away. What scared me is that it happened so fast. It almost seemed like I was drawn in like the Millennium Falcon caught in the Death Star’s tractor beam.
Let me digress for a minute and lay it on the table- I have an anger problem. A friend once asked, “why are you so angry?” “That’s like asking a fish, ‘why do you swim?’” I replied. Read more... (729 words, 10 images, estimated 2:55 mins reading time)
