Caterpillar Into Butterfly Change is Possible Image

One thing I can tell you from personal experience this and I’m sure we will all agree – change is hard. Another thing I know from experience is that change IS possible.

If you read the “About” section of this site, you will see that I was once an extremely negative and even suicidally depressed person. I also used to make a career out of getting high and escaping my problems. Today, I am off all drugs (including alcohol) and I am basically happy and enjoying my life. I’m not one of those hyper annoying types – where everything is awesome! I am a bit more realistic. My brand of happiness is a bit more realistic and I definitely have to work on it. I believe that all the years of negative thinking grooved a pathway in my brain that makes it easy to “go there.”

Today, I tune the negative station out and change the channel to something more positive. It is a choice that is actually very empowering – and a lot better than feeling like I a victim. So let me say again, change is possible. We just have to make a commitment to it. That commitment isn’t made just one time alone but has to be continuously renewed, sometimes on a daily basis. If it is a particularly challenging modification we want to make, or an especially ingrained negative habit we’ve been struggling with for a long time, that commitment may even have to be renewed hourly or even minute-by-minute.

The good thing is that chances are that others have went down that road before. It makes sense to seek out the experts and take the advise of people whose success you want to emulate.

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Cat In The Apartment Cat on Chair Image

Research on spirituality indicates that people who are religious are happier than non-religious people, but what if you are a struggling with religion?

Let me share some of my experiences with you.

I am gay and was raised a Catholic.  My mother, before she was my mother, had been a nun.  I found this out only after my grandmother had died and I was looking through a box of old photographs that she had kept under her bed.  I came across a picture of my mother in a nun outfit and immediately thought “Halloween” and kept shuffling through the pictures.  Then I came to another series of photos and noticed that in some there were leaves on the ground, others snow and still others were taken in what seemed like the bright sunshine of Summer and there was my mother, still in that damn Halloween outfit!  My eyes bugged out as I put 2 + 2   together.  I held up a picture in front of my sister’s face and said, “What is this?”

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Never Give Up Image

This was a tough week for me. It seems like the life I am trying to build isn’t happening fast enough and I started to get discouraged. I’m sorry to say that I can’t tell you a great tale of victory of how I “turned it around,” had a great spiritual awakening and went on to have the most fabulous, amazing time of my life. I actually had some moments this week where I just wanted to get drunk and forget my troubles while lamenting, “poor me… poor me… pour me a drink!”

Shakespeare said, “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Sometimes, nothing changes but the way I look at it.
Thoughts are like a raging river. I can stand on the side of the river and watch them go by or I can fall in the river and get swept away. When I fall in the river and get swept away, it sometimes takes friends to pull me out.

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Money Can Buy Happiness Image

It seems money does buy happiness but the catch is only if you don’t spend the money on yourself.

Elizabeth Dunn, an assistant professor at the University of British Columbia, led a research study that concluded people who spent money on others through charitable donations or gifts had a greater level of happiness than those who spent money solely on them.

People who are generous are more socially connected and are happier in general. This could be attributed to the greater feeling of connectedness to a larger community that accompanies altruistic behavior.

The Dunn study is yet another in an ever-growing body of research that finds that helping others is a sure-fire way to help yourself.

Ironically, “There’s so much benefit to the person who contributes to others that I often think that there is no more selfish act than a generous act,” said Tal Ben-Shahar, author of the book “Happier.

Ben-Shahar teaches a course on happiness at Harvard which is the University’s most popular class. During the first week of class, students are tasked to do five small acts of kindness a day that range from giving change to homeless people, to being nice to waiters, to calling their grandparents. “The effect of it is quite remarkable and lasts for much longer than a day,” he said.

Studies of happiness have long found that, unless people are extremely poor, getting more money brings surprisingly slight gains in positive feelings.

Marketers are constantly bombarding us with the message that money does buy happiness in spite of the proven truth that people tend to be made happier by experiences rather than by possessions.

Again the research shows that the happiness we get from buying, say, a new car quickly diminishes and fades away as we become face the responsibilities that comes with ownership. While taking a friend out to lunch, say, is more of an experience, and more likely to produce longer-lasting good feelings.

In the later scenario, there are other mechanisms at play such as, a kind act may lead to the perception that people are grateful, and that is linked with happiness. Also, there are social consequences when people act kindly such as enhanced relationships and the tendency for people to reciprocate.

Generosity is hard-wired into our brains. Jordan Grafman, chief of the Cognitive Neuroscience Section the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS), a division of the National Institutes of Health used a technique called functional MRI which reveals the brain structures that are most active when people perform certain mental tasks.

They weren’t surprised that the brains lit up when people received money, but what they also found was donating to charities lit up the brain’s reward circuits even more than receiving cash.

With the backing of science, let’s get out there and make the world a better place for others – and ourselves.

Tara Signature

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Ted Kennedy 1962 Image

We Are More Than Our Worst Moments

Ted Kennedy has been eulogized, memorialized and laid to rest after a 15-month battle with brain cancer. I am truly saddened by his passing. Although he lived to an advanced age and quite a bit longer than the lives of his brothers, 77 seemed much too young for a man to leave us when there is still so much work to be done.

Born into wealth, Edward M. Kennedy could have spent a life of leisure, offering nothing of real value to society while benefiting from its system. But the “Lion of the Senate” as he came to be known, worked tirelessly in the halls of power, giving a voice to the common people.   President Obama fittingly called Kennedy “The Soul od the Democratic Party.”  With the employ of inspiring oratory, he worked hard on behalf the underprivileged and underserved.

There is no person alive in America, who does not benefit from his advocacy and with his passing, I wonder who will fill his shoes?

Too often those in power make our government a personal affair, forgetting the obligation to the people. Our Government it too often influenced by big moneyed-interests but a lifetime of legislative accomplishments is case in point that Kennedy’s promises were not just campaign slogans to garner votes, but responsibilities he followed through on.

You might be wondering why I am turning a blog about happiness into a political diatribe? Because the life of Ted Kennedy is proof positive that we are more than our worst moments.

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