If you’re one of the 20 million Americans diagnosed with depression, you know how fruitless it is to tell someone one the low end of a downward spiral to just “cheer up.” Trust me. I’ve been there. I suffered for many years with severe depression at times and just your every day blues (otherwise known as Dysthymia) on “good” days. The truth is that I got to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and was blessed with a moment of clarity in which I realized that the missing ingredient of my internal search for happiness was “action.”
I had to take responsibility for my happiness. One thing I did for a very long time was blame my parents’ lousy parenting techniques for my miserable state of mind. Even if I had good reason for resentment, it really didn’t matter in the scheme of my happiness. Blaming my parents for my less-than-wonderful childhood kept me locked in the past and wasn’t contributing anything positive to my quality of life in the present. In my search free myself from the chains of the past, I read countless self-help books about “letting go” and “overcoming anger” but nothing worked. You know why? Because I didn’t put any of the things I learned into action. Knowledge is only half the battle. Having a blueprint to build a house is of no use unless a you pick up the hammer and nails and gets to work. Read more... (853 words, 10 images, estimated 3:25 mins reading time)
We really don’t have to be a “Psychic Friend” to predict the future. If you want to know what your future will be like, just take a look at the choices you are making today. Often we find that if we really take a hard look at our life, we will come to understand that if there is some situation in which we feel “stuck,” the trail of suspects on which to lay the blame can be traced right back to our own doorstep. There are no victims, only volunteers. The good news there is that if we got ourselves into the “mess” we can get ourselves out of it.
The first rule of “holes” is – if you are in one, STOP DIGGING! It’s always encouraging, really, to talk to a friend who is at the end of their rope with a situation that is making them miserable. The gift of desperation is quite a motivator to spark determination to make the necessary and difficult changes needed. It is also good to remember that the real work is an inside job. The happiest people I know are spiritual pioneers who approach from the inside-out because they know they make better choices when operating at a higher life condition. Ideally, happiness is a state of life, not a state of circumstances.
If you’re a regular reader of this blog you know that I am a big proponent of the scientific studies about happiness and do a lot of reading about how to make positive choices and training the brain to be “solution minded.” Read more... (707 words, 9 images, estimated 2:50 mins reading time)
Regular visitors of this site know that I am strong advocate of volunteerism and action. If you are a person in pursuit of happiness, giving your time to a worthy cause is a sure-fire way to beat the blues and improve the quality of your life. Sometimes, focusing on our problems and replaying them in our heads again and again only serves to dig us deeper into the hole of self-pity and depression. If we are in the habit of doing this, spending time helping others is a sure fire way to stop this negative thought pattern. Simply put, volunteering makes us feel better but it also has another tangible benefit – it improves the chances of finding quality friends as well as a quality mate.
Human beings are social creatures yet many of us struggle with relationships. It is said that relationships are like putting “Miracle Grow” on our character defects so it is important to come from a place of self-worth when looking for a mate (or friends, for that matter). Nobody is perfect and nobody is going to “fix us” or “make us happy.” We make ourselves happy. To put such pressure on a partner will only serve to breed resentment as that person will inevitably fail in that task. The saying, “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” is the truth. With this in mind, we improve our chances of finding a “quality” mate (and quality friendships) while engaged in altruistic activities – and the science backs this up. Read more... (825 words, 9 images, estimated 3:18 mins reading time)
As someone with a pretty active gym membership, there’s one pattern I see every year. Right after the New Year, the gym is packed to the gills and if you want to get into your favorite classes, you better get to the gym early! The teacher and the “regulars” are well aware of this phenomenon, and are also aware that eventually most of the “New Year’s Resolution” memberships will drift off over time and the gym will be back to its regular attendance.
A new year and a new decade is here. This is a perfect opportunity to shake off old habits that are weighing us down and create the life we truly want. Many start off highly motivated with their New Year’s resolutions, but interest wanes as time goes on. What’s the secret to maintaining New Year’s resolutions? Read more... (1057 words, 10 images, estimated 4:14 mins reading time)
With so many people struggling with economic uncertainty, this year’s holiday blues can be especially difficult to overcome. Many people are coping with job loss and financial insecurity so the added strain of gift buying can exacerbate an already difficult time during the best of years.
Rather than focus on the negative, this added strain could be transformed into an opportunity to shift focus to the true meaning of the holiday – the spirit of love and connection – and take the focus off of the anxiety of the season’s fiscal demands. Read more... (737 words, 9 images, estimated 2:57 mins reading time)
