Regular visitors of this site know that I am strong advocate of volunteerism and action. If you are a person in pursuit of happiness, giving your time to a worthy cause is a sure-fire way to beat the blues and improve the quality of your life. Sometimes, focusing on our problems and replaying them in our heads again and again only serves to dig us deeper into the hole of self-pity and depression. If we are in the habit of doing this, spending time helping others is a sure fire way to stop this negative thought pattern. Simply put, volunteering makes us feel better but it also has another tangible benefit – it improves the chances of finding quality friends as well as a quality mate.
Human beings are social creatures yet many of us struggle with relationships. It is said that relationships are like putting “Miracle Grow” on our character defects so it is important to come from a place of self-worth when looking for a mate (or friends, for that matter). Nobody is perfect and nobody is going to “fix us” or “make us happy.” We make ourselves happy. To put such pressure on a partner will only serve to breed resentment as that person will inevitably fail in that task. The saying, “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” is the truth. With this in mind, we improve our chances of finding a “quality” mate (and quality friendships) while engaged in altruistic activities – and the science backs this up.
As someone with a pretty active gym membership, there’s one pattern I see every year. Right after the New Year, the gym is packed to the gills and if you want to get into your favorite classes, you better get to the gym early! The teacher and the “regulars” are well aware of this phenomenon, and are also aware that eventually most of the “New Year’s Resolution” memberships will drift off over time and the gym will be back to its regular attendance.
A new year and a new decade is here. This is a perfect opportunity to shake off old habits that are weighing us down and create the life we truly want. Many start off highly motivated with their New Year’s resolutions, but interest wanes as time goes on. What’s the secret to maintaining New Year’s resolutions?
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I was just talking to a friend who is going through a divorce. She chose to leave her husband due to his inability to follow through on his commitment to his personal recovery from sex addiction and substance abuse. His pattern would be one of letting the addiction get the better of him which, in turn, would negatively affect everything in his life. He then would become so beaten he would crawl into a treatment center looking for help. He would come out of rehab with the best intentions and strictly follow a recovery action plan. Eventually, when he started feeling really good and reaping the benefits of recovery, the action plan would slack off. Insidiously, the old behaviors would creep in with the inevitable end would be relapse. The whole cycle would start all over again.
Commitment and re-commitment is the key. It’s the same reason most diets fail. We decide we want to lose weight so we start the diet with the greatest enthusiasm, but eventually the enthusiasm wanes. This is where we are at a crossroad – go on and make this diet a “lifestyle” or take the easy way – the familiar way – and settle.
When working on ourselves, we are never “done.” Yesterday’s recovery won’t count today if we don’t continue the actions that made today’s recovery possible. You know what I mean? Every day we are presented with a choice to re-commit to a positive way of life. Each day is a crossroad.
It’s not easy to always make the right choices. That’s why surrounding ourselves with positive allies is essential. When it gets too hard, we call on our allies to cheer us on. We don’t want friends that will join us in our “pity party.” We want friends who can lovingly remind us of our inherent value and our commitment to growth. Of course, this is a two way street. The same friend who talked you off the ledge today may be talking you off the ledge tomorrow. We can have bad days, just as long are we are always moving in the right direction.
Thankfully, we who are seeking happiness and a positive way of life have many resources from which to draw inspiration. We don’t have to “make it up” or come up with a whole new plan on our own. Many people have died miserable that way – too proud to take direction or ask for help. Here’s where we practice humility. We know that Albert Einstein did not come up with the Theory of Relativity in a vacuum – he drew on all the scientific discoveries and knowledge that came before him. Similarly, we can draw on all the knowledge of the spiritual seekers who came before us. You see, there are spiritual laws of the universe just like there are laws of physics. Water will always freeze at 32 degrees and happiness is a choice we make every day.
Here’s some tips from Anne Naylor writing for the Huffington Post:
I’ve lived in New York City my entire life and seen it go through many changes. The most noticeable is the quality of life. There was a time when crime was a given in the city and every subway train was covered in graffiti and littered with trash. To sum it up, living in NYC could be considered “rough.” That all changed when Bill Bratton became police commissioner and adopted the “Broken Windows” policing policy.
This philosophy was based on an urban sociology book titled, “Fixing Broken Windows: Restoring Order and Reducing Crime in Our Communities” by George L. Kelling and Catherine Coles.
The idea is simple and compelling. A broken window–or a littered sidewalk, graffiti, etc. – will harm a neighborhood if not promptly addressed. Left untended, it sends the signal that no one cares about this neighborhood and projects the notion that this is a safe place to litter, break things, vandalize and commit crimes. Criminals can run rampant and rest assured that no one will care enough to stop them. People will get the feeling that this is a safe place to be openly drunk, beg for money, and worse. The philosophy is that these smallest symptoms of antisocial behavior will, left to fester, breed greater and greater crimes.
On your journey of self improvement, don’t just wander aimlessly – bring a map.
If you’ve read some of my background in the “about” section of this site, you already know that I suffered for many years under the weight of negativity, depression and it’s accompanied repercussions. I have had many struggles and many breakthroughs. To but it simply, it took me a very long time to realize I could choose to live in the solution – but the work never ends. Some days are easier than others and there will always be opportunities to slip back into negativity. This is why it’s essential to work hard to train my brain to focus positively with the goal of developing a high life condition. With that, I can overcome the challenges I face rather than let the challenges overcome me. It’s true that success is possible with a “never give up” attitude but even that is only half the battle.
Even the most tenacious explorers would remain lost in the woods if they didn’t map out where they were going. We can say, “I will never give up” and wander endlessly until collapsing in exhaustion, never actually obtaining the life we want.
